Baby Johann, the Maker of Monsters

“Can’t I stay here with Mom?” Liz asks with pleading eyes and arms crossed.

Her dad shakes his head. “No, Mr. Everett has been asking about you. It’s time for you to make an appearance.”

Liz releases her entire lung capacity.

“What’s your problem with Mr. Everett? He’s always so kind to you.”

“He is super nice, it’s Johann I can’t stand.”

Liz’s mom clicks her tongue in the kitchen. Liz looks up and she’s frowning.

“You don’t know him, Mom,” Liz whines. “He’s terrible.”

“Liz, you could use more friends at the lake. You can’t always rely on your cousins.”

Her dad laughs, “You wouldn’t say that if you met the kid.”

Her mom’s sharp gaze darts to him. “Len, how can you say such a thing about a boy.”

“First off, he’s seventeen,” Liz says. “Secondly, he’s a mean kid. I’m not sure how his sisters turned out so nice. I guess he has little of his dad’s DNA in him.”

Her mom’s eyes drop back to her dishes. “Well, Liz, you’re going.”

“Fine, but Dad, next time invite them here so Mom can witness Johann’s shining personality.”

Her dad laughs again. Her mom’s never been one for teasing so steams along with the dishes in the hot water.

“Let’s go, kiddo,” her dad announces jovially.

“O-KAY,” Liz replies, pulling her baseball hat over her thick curls.

They pull up at the Everett island with blueberry muffins in hand and an irritated Liz hidden behind a sweet smile. What’s Johann going to do this time? Mr. Everett strolls down to the boat with a big smile. “Are those for me, Liz?”

“Yup. Mom made them this morning.”

“What an angel your mom is.”

Liz laughs. If only he knew. She’s 100% Gemini: half angel—half demon.

Liz slips over the bow landing steadily on both feet. Her dad pulls up the motor and follows her out. Liz pulls the boat up the rock and tosses her life jacket into the bow.

“Come on up. The girls are at camp but Johann could use some company. He’s been playing solitaire all morning.”

Liz sighs and thankfully Mr. Everett doesn’t notice. He and her dad bob up the rock to the cabin chatting away leaving Liz to slink behind, preparing herself for anything.

She bends over to loosen her laces and her eye catches Johann on the old sofa, glaring over his cards. Great!? She couldn’t have annoyed him already. She’s five years younger than he is but he’s almost an adult. He needs to grow up.

“Would you like a ginger ale, Liz?”

“Yes. Please.” Mr. Everett always has ginger ale. I never drink it anywhere but here.

“How about you, Johann?”

Johann grunts.

“Do you mind bringing him one, Liz?”

She shakes her head. The dreaded moment is upon her. She takes the two cold cans and shuffles over to the sofa, setting one in front of the scowl master and plops down with the other in the armchair. The silence is torture as the storm cloud that is Johann’s permanent sidekick engulfs Liz. “Well, let’s get it over with,” She lowers her can to the Minaki, Ontario coaster. “What are you playing?”

“Trivial Pursuit,” he replies with a snarl, flipping the next card over. “What does it look like?”

“Geez. This is going to be a long afternoon.”

“Huh?” he spouts. Did she say that aloud? Well, whatever. He must know he’s a mean guy. He can’t possibly see himself differently, can he? Do serial killers think they are nice members of society?

“Nothing.”

His eyes drop back to his cards. I stare at the hummingbird feeder, praying a sweet little green one pops into view, anything to bring some cheer into this torture chamber.

“Johann, are you being a good host?”

“You’re the host Dad. I’m playing solitaire.”

“Come here, Johann,” Mr. Everett calls with a sharpness to his voice. At least he isn’t oblivious to his son’s evilness.

They step into the old pantry to whisper about Liz. She shrinks deep into the cushion. Johann listens, whines, and stomps out with a fake grin. “Hey, Liz. We have a gift for you.”

He slides a box over the table. It’s Sea Monkeys, the dehydrated tiny shrimp creatures that come alive with water. Liz picks up the box and forces a smile. “Thanks, Johann.”

She flips her gaze to Mr. Everett and grins warmly. “Thank you, Mr. Everett.”

“No problem. We saw it at the Blue Heron and thought it was perfect for you since you are nuts about animals. Didn’t we, Johann?”

“U-huh.”

“Why don’t you bring it over to the rock and get it started?”

“Sure thing, Mr. Everett,” I chime and rise quickly, happy for a reason to escape the destroyer of moods.

“You too, Johann. You could use some fresh air.”

“I’ve been sitting in the window all morning. I’m full of fresh air.”

Liz doesn’t have to look up from her shoe to know Mr. Everett shot him a gaze. Johann stomps over, nudging her as he whisks by, flying out the door barefoot. The door slams as she stands. She sighs out again.

“Have fun kids,” her dad spouts with a mocking grin. He’s terrible.

Johann is already seated on the rock with his feet in the water. He doesn’t look up when she creeps up, dropping down on the stone a few feet from him. The instructions are easy: pour the eggs and powder into the mini plastic fish tank and add water. She does as instructed and sets it down on the flat rock beside her to let it settle. Johann watches with little interest and then returns to the water to kick a clam stuck to the rock.

“Did you actually help your dad pick this?” Liz asks.

“Na. It does suit you though.”

“Oh yeah?”

“U-huh. It’s a preschool toy.”

“You’re the only one sulking and whining here. Aren’t you almost eighteen?” Liz spouts, having reached the end of her patience.

“Yes, I’m almost eighteen which is why I hate when middle school kids are thrown at me to entertain.”

“Entertain? Yeah, right. I only come here to see your dad. No one would choose to be entertained by you. It’s torture,” she mumbles as her anger rises.

“Torture? It’s not just you I can’t stand. I hate being here; there’s absolutely nothing to do. The only kids my age are dull and annoying.”

“They would seem that way to a baby man.”

“Baby man?!” Johann’s face burns but Liz doesn’t care. She’s done trying with this guy. She’s tolerated him for years and he’s never been nice.

“Yup. Why are you here, Johann? If you hate it so much, why don’t you have a job like most teens do—or go to camp with your sisters? Do you know why? You’d have to be around people and your sour personality can’t handle people. So go, return to your solitaire. I’d rather sit here with my dried-up shrimp than hang out with you.” She turns to the water and pulls her knees up under her chin. Who could hate this place but a demon?

He rises, kicks the container of Sea Monkeys into the lake, and stomps away. Once he’s gone, Liz takes off her sneakers and socks and wades into the lake to fetch the floating container. She’d hate Mr. Everett to see his gift floating away. The lid’s off and the Sea Monkeys are gone. She fetches the container, adds sand and water, and clicks on the lid. Mr. Everett won’t notice the switch. Unable to will her feet to follow Johann back to his suffocating storm cloud inside she stays seated on the rock imagining the Sea Monkeys growing as they do but much, much larger. It’s common knowledge that fish will only grow to a size that the body of water can accommodate. So, big lakes have bigger fish than small ones.

The Sea Monkeys may already be hatching from their long sleep. She can’t see them just yet because they’re still too tiny. Each calm day she canoes over to North Bay. She waves at Mr. Everett whenever she sees him out and about and parks herself in the middle of the bay. She carefully crawls into the center of the boat. Using her life jacket as a pillow she leans back with her book to wait for the Sea Monkeys to reveal their greatness. She sees no hint of them for weeks, but shortly after the August Long Weekend, she notices a stirring not far from the boat as she reclines in the middle of the canoe. She places Anne of Green Gables in a dry spot and leans carefully over the edge of the red fiberglass boat. She reaches over the rim and runs her fingers along the calm surface.

Bubbles erupt under her hand but she doesn’t fear the monkeys. They should know her by now. They’ve been hiding themselves, but must have been watching her in the red boat. She hums and traces her fingers back and forth over the surface. The bubbles ignite again below her. She rests her chin on the side of the canoe and waits, half mesmerized by the swirling water.

A bumpy fin slips across her fingertips and she jumps from her daydream. She takes a deep breath and swirls her fingers again around and around, humming Brahms' Lullaby. The bubbles shoot up at the front of the canoe and a long fin slips along the side. When it reaches Liz it arches its back and slides along her hand. Liz smiles as more and more bubbles reveal many large monkeys that are not monkeys at all. They are beautiful water dragons like the Loch Ness monster, Bessie, or the Ogopogo. Did they all start as tiny dehydrated shrimp?

One leaps from the water, soaring over her canoe. It’s nearly eight feet long and much larger than the others. Perhaps it’s the King of the North Bay monsters. Soon a dozen small dragons leap around Liz in slick rainbow arches, ignited by the King’s brazen show-boating. Johann may be a big baby, but he’ll forever be the maker of monsters.

“Liz, are you ready to go?” Liz wakes from her daydream. “Where did you disappear to?” asks her dad.

“Nowhere. I was watching the water.”

“I’m sorry, Johann wasn’t much of a host,” Mr. Everett says sadly. It must be hard for such a nice man to have Johann for a son.

“It’s okay. I had a fun time.”

“You are such a nice girl. It’s too bad my girls weren’t here to keep you company.”

Her dad pushes the boat out and pops over to his seat next to the motor.

“Hop in, Liz. I can push off,” says Mr. Everett.

“Thanks!” Liz replies. “And, thanks for the gift too, Mr. Everett.”

“Let me know how big they grow when I see you next.”

“I will.”

Liz waves to Mr. Everett as her dad guns the engine and they peel out as fast as fifteen horsepower can take them. Liz stays in the bow, resting her cheek in her hand along the edge of the bumping boat. A long fin slips out of the water for a second and Liz smiles. It was a good visit.